had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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