I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
