I need help removing her.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
