Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
