can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
