im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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