Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
