That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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