thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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