he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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