Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
