Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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