Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
