My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
