Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have aggressive nipples.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
