just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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