Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize