So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
