One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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