Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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