these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
