ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
