Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I love having hate sex.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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