Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's rum buckets o'clock
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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