I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize