Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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