Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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