There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
