Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
my shit smells like andre
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
