I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
