you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I think a kid would responsible me up
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
