I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
