i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
