Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
too bad you live with your parents still
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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