I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
