went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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