In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
