So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize