how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
