carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
im six kinds of drunk right now
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
