i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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