So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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