then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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