I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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