i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize