this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
