took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
