If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
