I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
