dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
