I swear she didn't look like that last week.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize