Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we're so committed to being not committed
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
