I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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