At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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