last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
