is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
