my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
