In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize