You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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