ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
