So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
