your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
