I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
