My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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