South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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