Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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