i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
