Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
