I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
